Discs, Vertebrae, and Spittle

I'm laid up in bed flat on my back watching the overhead fan go round and round.  I've hurt my back. I have this disc in the lower extremities of my back, that if I don't watch carefully, sneaks out from between vertebrae and wanders off looking for something more interesting to do than keeping my spine erect.

If you've ever been laid up in bed due to severe back pain, you know that you have to keep changing positions.  As you remain in one position, the pain slowly increases.  Shift to another position, the pain lessens then slowly increases again.  Of course changing position is easier said than done when one's back is out.  The simple act of shifting from lying on your back to lying on your side can be an act of great courage. The pain makes you wish you could swallow a whole bottle of oxycontin right then and there and end it.  Brush your teeth?  Nope.  Eat?  Nope?  Pea?  Get me a bottle.

But it is not the pain that concerns me most.  What concerns me most is the inevitable spittle that forms on my lips from the constant screaming while moving from back to fetal position.  And once on my side, the spittle hangs there, slowly swinging back and forth, until I have sufficiently recovered to wipe my mouth.

This is where my cat comes in.

As soon as he sees the spittle attractively swaying to and fro, he crouches down into that hunt position with a look on his face that makes me realize the next several moments are crucial.  If I don't play this right, I might have to explain to a doctor how that cat claw embedded in my face is the result of my back going out and not because I'm mean to kitties.

Of course, there has yet to be born the human who is faster than a cat attracted by swinging spittle, so I lose before I even start. He jumps 35 feet through the air landing right in from my face and starts whacking the spittle and me with his paw, claws out, with that crazy look in his eyes.  I scream, he swats.

Luckily, as soon as he realizes the spittle isn't a living thing that he can torture, he loses interest and walks away.  And once on the floor and lying down, he looks at me with this look that says

LUNKHEAD!!!


Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 9, 2017 at 6:19 PM

    I can recommend a real good chiropractor, but No surgery. Won't help.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShadowAugust 9, 2017 at 7:35 PM

    No surgery, no chiropractors. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousAugust 12, 2017 at 11:56 AM

      A real good chiropractor helped me with a pinched nerve and whatever was out of alignment. It won't mess you up for one or two visits.

      Delete

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