Eat Eggs. They are Good for You, Except When they Aren’t . . . OR . . . Stupid Food Science Tricks

Comes now from the Universities of Toronto and Milan a new study that shows diets rich in bread after menopause raise the risk of developing breast cancer among 55 -- 64 year-olds by 60%, while those diets rich in pasta don’t.  The researchers work with the World Health Organization, a fact that boosts their credentials, while having absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the study or the accuracy of its results. 


The media are always reporting such “scientific results.”  Morning shows are the worst offenders, being almost singularly responsible for promoting pop-science and quackery.  If you eat the right things, wear the right clothes, and organize your life the right way, you can live a fulfilling and healthy life.

So what is one to make of studies like this?  The Economist reports that less than half the results of research reported in peer-review magazines can be replicated.  That’s a sad state of affairs that says much about the general shoddiness of research -- if not about outright fraud.  (And since it begs the question, yes, the study cited in the  Economist has, itself, been replicated.) 

It’s not like this is the first time we’ve heard about some scientific study whose results defy common sense.  Studies show that coffee is good for you, except for the ones that show it isn’t.  Same for eggs.  But red wine is good for you.  Does this mean if we drink wine with our omelets the effects will counter one another?  Oh, and one more thing about red wine: while drinking it reduces heart problems, you have to drink about 15 bottles a day to receive any positive effect.  So while your heart may improve, you liver will drop out your backside.  But they don't tell you that in the study.

Why is olive oil good for us but not vegetable oil?  How can one of them keep down our triglyceride count and the other raise it?  Should I stop smothering my salads in oil and vinegar?  After all, there is nothing as tasty as a salad without dressing.  Right? No?!?  Then add bacon bits.  Yum, bacon.  Everything tastes better with bacon.  

Oh, wait.  STOP!!!! I forgot.  Studies show bacon is worse for you than any other food.  It kills you while you are eating it -- fastest acting poison in the world.  People who eat bacon are walking time bombs.

For years we’ve been told to reduce our fat intake and increase our carbohydrate intake, because research shows fats contribute to obesity and coronary disease.  Now studies suggest carbohydrates are responsible and not fat.  But nothing is easy when it comes to food, because it turns out there are good carbohydrates and bad carbohydrates, and we all need to learn which is which or risk death by ignorance.   

Actually, I don't believe there are good and bad carbohydrates.  I think some doctor made that up to sell books.  No one questions a doctor, even when he sells some herb he swears increases penis size.  Maybe the real problem is eating too many fats and carbohydrates in combination.  It's called overeating.  

By the way, have you ever had a doctor pull pills out of his lab coat pocket and say "Here, try these."?  I have.

Then there are vitamins and herbal supplements.

Vitamin E prevents cardio-vascular disease, but it also causes excess bleeding.  So, should my great aunt take vitamin E or not?  I suppose it depends on whether she prefers dying of a heart attack or blood loss.  Everything is on hold while she debates the pros and cons with herself, but a decision is not far off.  We made her promise to tell us by Thanksgiving, so we know to gift wrap a pacemaker or tampons for Christmas.    

And then there is Omega 3.  Omega 3 is God’s gift to man, except when it isn’t.  Some studies suggest it is, while others suggest it’s total bunk.  What to do?  I know what I am going to do.  I’m tired of swallowing horse pills to maintain a healthy heart, so I’m siding with the nay-sayers.  No more Omega 3 pills for me.  But just to be safe I will continue to eat fish, but not shrimp, because fish is good for you, while shrimp isn’t, except when fish has too much mercury, in which case shrimp is better. 

Head spinning yet?  Forgot to take notes?  Not to worry.  Follow this general rule of thumb, and you will live healthy all your life: 

IF IT TASTES GOOD IT WILL KILL YOU, SO DON'T EAT IT. 
 
OR

You can do what I've decided to do.  A shorter, fun-filled life is better lived than a longer obsessive-compulsive-filled life.  All these studies do is make me neurotic and raise my stress and blood pressure levels, and then I need to take pills anyway.  So I’ve dumped all the advice. 

Fill my glass with beer, pass the fat drenched meat, and smother everything in bacon juice.   Yummy!!!!  My colon might be rotting away, but my mind is at peace. 

Beer run!!!!

I think I'll have seconds. 

Shadow Thought:  The number one cause of obesity is the automobile.  No one walks anymore.